Here is blog post number 2.

They are sporadic and probably quite badly written in terms of grammar and everything else to do with language (which for a blogger is offensive and downright ridiculous), but, I am only just starting out and would like it known that I will get better with time and probably when I have more time blog a lot more.

Today I have the inspiration to write about nice guys and how they never get anywhere in life.  Now maybe I’m wrong and a lot of people would disagree with me, but this can be applied to a lot of aspects of the world, never mind in my line of work or in my chosen area of study.

Let’s look at the world of relationships first.  Sweeping generalisation time.  Girls like to go for someone they think they can change.  “He’s awful to you.” “Yeah, but he loves me really.”  Now I’m not necessarily speaking from experience with regards to this because I have always been deemed as a nice guy (and have subsequently been friend-zoned more times than I care to remember (although don’t get me wrong, my girlfriend is gorgeous and I love her more than anything else in the world; we all have pasts)).  Now the friendzone is somewhat of a mystery to some guys because they’re the guys who go out to a bar and get drunk, squeeze a girls arse and get away with it with little more than a flirty wink, or in best case scenario (for them) end up in bed with at least one of the girls they tried it on with at the end of the night.  When you are in the friendzone, you watch that happen to someone who is one of your closest friends by their own admission, you see them make the mistake and it pains you, not because you have feelings for them but because they are going to wake up in the morning regretting what they’ve done or he is gonna repeat himself the following week in a club with someone else and she will feel like an absolute fool and then for months will state how unattractive she must be and then ask for your consolation and of course, because you are their best friend, you are there for them, knowing that they could easily have done better if they went for a nice guy.  BUT THEY WON’T.  Even with these bad experiences from the past they will repeatedly fall for the same tricks and the same kind of guys and just keep getting hurt and claim they will never find true happiness.  It could be something to do with the fact that you just keep picking the first doushebag that decides it is perfectly socially acceptable to molest you in public and mistake that for love.

Of course, girls get friendzoned just as much as guys do, and in a lot of instances girls will not fall for this awful kind of trickery or filthy predatorial behaviour from people like the guys I mentioned previously, but they still will never go for the nice guy they’ve placed calmly and firmly in the friendzone, and that guy is just too nice to try and break out of there because he doesn’t want to hurt or lose his friend, so keeps sitting in the box waiting to be taken out when she needs him and being put away again.  Being friendzoned sucks.  And we’ve all been through it (girls and guys – I know I write from the perspective of a guy (probably cos I am one) but I am also acutely aware that this does happen to girls too).

Nice guys and relationships don’t always go… maybe cos they don’t have that killer instinct and that self confidence to get a girl… It’s not always the case, but a lot of the time it is… No one really looks any deeper than “ah, he’s a nice guy.  Cute and all… But he just doesn’t have an edge.”  Why do you need an edge?  Edge’s are dangerous.  You can fall off them. You can get cut by them.  Why not a nice well rounded person who won’t hurt you?  What’s wrong with one of them?

Moving on from relationships… cos this is where it is probably most prominent and easily recognisable, my job.  Now I work in sales.  Not on commission, but with a target.  Now I’m a nice guy when I’m at work and I’m very honest.  I am an honest salesman.  Which is hard to find and is difficult to continue doing.  The temptation to be anything but honest is always there… Targets need to be hit, bonuses need to be earned – holidays are always good and I have rent to pay and food to buy… But.  I can’t be a dishonest salesman because it’s not in my nature. (Strange, considering I’m an actor), There are people that would try and tempt me into the dark arts of selling and not always telling customers exactly what they are getting for the price they are paying etc etc or saying they’re getting less than they are so they can hit their metrics etc but I point blank refuse.  It doesn’t sit well with me.  To the point that on one occasion when I was aware of a fellow consultant doing something not in the best interests of the customer and doing something they didn’t want, I made them remove it from the system and didn’t process it.  Best for the customer and probably best for that consultant and the business in the long run.  But the pressure is always there from the others to hit targets and be on top of the game and sell everything with no remorse.  Yet somehow, with my honest ways, I am always second highest salesman in my store.  And you know what?  That’s alright.  I’m happy with that.  And the reason I’m happy with that?  I know that I have done my job to the best of my ability, have helped the customer to get what they need and have done the right thing for them.  Even if it doesn’t necessarily make me hit my target, I will do what is best for the customer always.

Now for my final rant and rave… Drama.  My passion, my chosen degree and potentially a career path.  Now drama at uni is not a piece of cake.  Everyone says it is.  But it isn’t.  A medical degree is very hard, but it is very much a solo degree.  (No I’m not comparing the difficulty of a degree in medicine to a degree in acting, I’m just saying that people should respect students who decide to take drama as taking a real subject).  Try doing a 12 hour rehearsal with people who don’t wanna be there, or people who haven’t got a lot to do, or people who have the shortest attention span ever and are doing their utmost to disrupt the rehearsals that you are so desperately trying to concentrate on but even you are struggling.  Then tell me you wouldn’t rather be doing a degree where you can focus solely on yourself.  It is difficult for different reasons.  And to these intents and purposes… Drama is another area nice guys finish last in.  A nice guy doesn’t get the lead role… they end up as chorus if anything because they blend into a crowd.  Directors want someone who stands out, not someone who folds away.  (Best piece of advice I’ve ever received: “In a group audition, when everyone is asked to look one way, look the other.  9/10 times the director will call you up and ask what you’re doing”).  Granted this can backfires as a director doesn’t want someone who is going to challenge their every creative decision but hey if it gets you noticed in this line of work… that’s what matters.  We as drama students are fully aware that 96% of actors are out of work.  That’s not a small amount.

Anyway back to the point.  In drama you have to be selfish, particularly in a degree so as you can get a decent if not great grade.  But some people are too nice to be selfish and take on all the stress themselves so the other members of the group don’t have to.  And this can be well and truly taken for granted.  They will buy all the props without complaint, write down a plan, help direct scenes and throw forward ideas and then they will be told they’re doing too much and are taken aback a bit and think “Well surely, everyone else is thinking the same I’m just saying it!”  And this is true, a lot of the time people are thinking the same things but they just haven’t acted upon it… And that is another thing about this industry… you gotta be quick.  If you have an idea, say it loud and say it proud or someone else might have the same idea five minutes later and cos you were being nice and waiting for a gap in the action and someone else just shouts it out and their idea is tried and it turns out it was exactly the same as what you were thinking and you could have had your idea in a show or in a rehearsal and it’s someone else’s idea and there was your potential chance to shine… gone…

So people who take on everything, get tired quicker, get stressed quicker and when something isn’t done they get all the flack and all the blame.  And cos they’re too nice… they accept it.  They care and they try to rectify it.  They try and make the problem disappear and for the good of the show they shut up and they put up.  Then there is resentment harboured by the group because that nice person who took too much on managed to achieve more than anyone else in the group and potentially sacrificed something important to them but helped the rest of the group do well.

Drama shouldn’t be selfish.  Actors are meant to trust each other and be able to depend on each other in every aspect for the truest reflection of action.  Drama should be “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”  But it’s not… It’s “You scratch my back… I’ll make sure that I’m okay and I’ll tell you that I’ll scratch your back but really I won’t.”

It is a dog eat dog world.  And unfortunately, the nice guys are chiuaua’s and the bad guys are bulldogs… We all know who would win in that fight… (no bad press for bulldogs, I’m sure the majority of them are lovely docile creatures… Just hypothetically speaking).